Monday, December 26, 2005

Monuments: naughty or nice?

A guest column by S. Claus
(Additional editing provided by Ms. Claus)

'Twas the day after Christmas and all 'cross the field,
Monuments rested to let bruises heal.

To look over the list and see who's naughty or nice,
Is the job that I do on this holiday night.

First up -- Uncle Bobby, he's ancient I think; with moves of his hips that make others blink. Naughty for sure, nice is a reach. A new hip would be good, what do you think?

Dan Cipullo is next, a quarterback by trade; making first downs with short throws he has made.
A witness that night when the star shown so bright. Is he older than Bobby? Now there is a fight! Another one naughty, so what is his gift? A trip to the bath house might give him a lift!

What about Allscott, the diminutive back? With a smile and a giggle he leads his attack.
When he is in trouble, to Adam he throws; to howls and teases he turns up his nose.
To be "Best Gay Quarterback" is what he would wish, but another one naughty takes him from my list.

What about Charlie, the graceful Gazelle? He's so close to nice, but he's naughty as well.
A new hair weave perhaps, from back in the day? A hair model for him... perhaps Dr. J.

And the one they call Jim -- what about him? A trainwreck he is, though his figure is slim.
Naughty (and late) he appears at the game, with a smile on his face, he's without shame.
Merrily passing right down the middle, a mirror's in store if he's fit as a fiddle.

Oh, Adam -- finally, a nice one, or so it does look; but oh my, when he plays, he hits like a crook!
So naughty its clear, but what's this I hear? A woman he loves and a child he does have?
What makes him think he can play with this gaggle of fags?!

Then there is Tony, the quarterback to love. His game is so fine, he rises above.
WIth a wink in his eye hidden by glasses, the football he throws, to receivers he passes.
Oh my, oh dear, how can it be? Quite naughty its clear; he plays smelling of beer.
Is he straight? Is he gay? The question resounds; still it's not answered 'less Patrick's around.

Now Patrick is naughty, of this there's no doubt. Arrives Sunday morning after much staying out.
They call him the hole, not sure what this means. This holiday rhyme is PG-13.

Then there is Jay, for the Colts he does cheer. Another one naughty, so I do hear.
A pair of nice hands would do him just fine for catching soft passes that come from behind.

Michael Borman -- not sure if he's naughty or nice. Two months he shows up; he doesn't "do ice".

John Daly -- now there is man who is always well-healed; runs with back to QB as he's beaten downfield.
At night dressed in drag, he's naughty no doubt; he wants to be nice, for certain no lout.

Then there is Shane with the heart of lion; through the middle he runs just like he's flyin'.
He says that he's nice (I think he's lyin') -- he wants to be naughty, there is no denyin'!

The new guys, we love them -- on, JJ! On, Kirk! So many who need their names on their shirts.
On, Jeremey! On,
Milo! On, Brandon! On, Mark! They're naughty for sure, to hang at this park.

From endzone to endzone, from line to line; on Francis Field they play football so fine.
More naughty a team, I have not seen in time.
Still, all are so welcome, every Sunday to play.
Happy holidays to all, and to all a good day!

1 comment:

shane Kinkennon said...

brilliant, adam. simply brilliant.