Friday, December 16, 2005

Best gay quarterback -- the "straight" one?

Monument News Service
On a sheet of ice, the question of the who is the best gay quarterback lingered in the cool winter air.

As the teams gathered together immediately following their count off, the open volleys were fired when Dan Cipullo and Allscott were paired together on the Dark team. Along with Uncle Bobby the best triumphantly since ancient Rome sought to prove their mettle against consummate trickster and alcoholic Tony Stewart.

Allscott started off the day throwing a strike to Adam Strasberg running a down and in (a very fine pattern if I do say so myself). Which led to a chorus of taunts from Dan Cipullo about the ease of throwing to the straight boy -- Allscott fired back with, "Like he hasn't bailed your ass out a million times." How this reporter became the center of controversy for catching a pass, I still do not know.

The game settled into its usual pace, through an interception by Allscott to the late arriving Mike threatened to blow it open.

The Gazelle made an early push for MVP honors with a short 10 yard TD and a nicely timed interception return off a telegraphed Uncle Bobby throw.

Despite recent comments in the press that Allscott was selling out gays by changing his passing style from a dashing QB to a straight pocket passer, he continued to try and play his game. After a late interception of Tony, he proclaimed, "Now, I've earned my interception back."

White's defense was led by the jumping bean rusher Gary. With 4 blocked passes, and several hurries, Gary answered the critics who wondered where he has been for the past 2 months with two words "plyometric shoes" (

Tony showed that he could win without Allscott as White triumphed over Dark in the first game.

The second game almost turned ugly fast. Tony's White team took a quick 14-0 lead in what looked to be a blowout. Dark was hampered by poor QB play as White's press man defense held them in check for their first three series.

It was up to the old queens and a straight guy to bring Dark back. First Dan Cipullo connected to Adam Strasberg on a 80 yard bomb -- one play one score. Patrick McIntyre looked lost on the coverage, seeming to run in the wrong direction. Some stellar defense by shut-down corner Kenneth "Steffi" brought Dark another opportunity.

Again it was an old Queen, this time Uncle Bobby throwing a 5 yard in pattern to Adam Strasberg, and he was off to the races. A hesitation move (the same one that never worked before) on Tony Stewart froze the final defender as Strasberg rumbled down the sideline -- two plays, two queens, two touchdowns and Dark was back in it -- down 20-14.

Just like that Tony Stewart came back. Showing the veteran leadership that won Two Gay Bowl titles, he moved white calmly down the field for the victory as game #2 ended close to 1:30.

The question on everyone's minds as they left the field was if Allscott and Dan together cannot win a game, is Tony Stewart's grasp on the title of Best Gay Quarterback
even up for debate.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Seems you neglected my three-touchdown, one extra-point performance. For a straight guy, you certainly have a woman's selective memory...