Friday, February 03, 2006

Gay Quarterbacks shine in return: Suspected gay quarterback wins games
----------------------------------- News Service
It was a day or returns, as Trainwreck and Alscott interrupted their winter hibernations to return to action. It was a day where 3 days where played before 1:30p. It was a day where Tony Stewart showed why he's the best gay quarterback.

On another temperate winter day, the first game started off with a bang as the Gazelle showed the importance of special teams play and field position, bringing back the opening kickoff 45 yards and giving the Dark team an easy opening drive. Operating with his usual efficiency, Tony quickly moved the Dark team into a score throwing to the ever reliable John Daly. A lofted pass in the back of the end-zone to this reporter and two quick feet on the ground provided the 2-pt conversion.

White struggled to get its offense going. A quick read by this reporter led to an interception off of Jay, a a toss to Charlie led to a touchdown on the return -- 14-0 dark. The Dark dominance would continue as a rare Tony defensive interception off of Jay, a 40 yard bomb by Dan to Madonna, and a knifing run through the defense by Akchai for a TD put Dark clearly in the driver's seat up 20-0.

With the game going against them, Dark turned to its two returning quartebacks to lead them back.

With his 40th birthday looming, none of the Monuments knew if Jim had anything left in his right arm. Missing the last few weeks only fueled the speculation that he was not aging in Uncle Bobby like fashion. Yet, when the time came, Trainwreck led a methodical 20 play drive down the field, moving the chains in 5 yard increments scoring appropriately enough on a short middle crossing play to Patrick -- a 2 pointer to a crossing Robert made the score 20-8 Dark.

Then it was best gay quarterback Alscott's turn. After weeks of inactivity, the question on everyone's mind could his arm live up to his mouth's hype. With Dark's defense preparing for a short middle passing on-onslaught, Alscott showed why there's always a giggle in his throat, striking deep over the middle to Jay for a one play TD drive of 60 yards.

Now the game was on, with Dark's 20 point lead reduced to 6 in a matter of two series.

It was the closest that White would get. Dark's offense when into overdrive, and it was the little man Akchai who had his foot on the petal. Scoring his 2nd TD of the day on a long bomb from Tony, then turning around and intercepting a Jay pass, Dark never looked back winning the first game 34-14 in about an hours time.

For the second game, the teams were repicked.

Alscott continued his magic intercepting a Jay bobble on a swing pass, and taking Tony's pass back to pay dirt. All the Monuments stood around with mouths agape at the quickness of the play. The play fueled the rumors that Alscott had spent the last several weeks in Narnia (to avoid testing) stocking up on Turkish Delight.

Unrepentant as all good Quarterbacks (and Gays) should be, Tony came right back leading his White team to a TD with a long pass to Greg.

Despite late-comer Mike strong rush Dark was able to move the ball downfield culminating in a Patrick-Jim TD connection. Dark's 2-point dreams were crushed by Uncle Bobby's quick break on the ball.

The second game moved along at the same quick pace as the first, a long TD to Jay made the score White 16-Dark 12. Like in the first game, that was as close as Dark would get to Tony Stewart. Tom caught a long TD to make the score 24-12. Dan threw to to Jim (who despite his age) proved himself to be a dangerous receiver to tighten the game again to 24-18.

But Mike's strong rush finally turned the tide in White's favor. As Alscott cockily dropped back to pass, Mike's ferocious pursuit terrified the Mr. Tumnus like QB (his eyes were as big as.... well you can fill in the blank without my help) who threw the ball errantly up for grabs and into the waiting hands of Jay for the int.

Tony feeling confident that he had Dark's defense down, led White in a no-huddle offense that culminated in a 20 yard TD to Kirk. With the game on the line, I ran what I thought was a decoy route, not expecting the ball, I looked up after looking to see if the ball had gone to the primary receiver only to see the ball was about to hit me in the hands.

Final score 32-18 White. Despite the triumphant return of Alscott and Trainwreck, the continuing magic of Tony led the way as the second game finished by 12:30p.

Game Notes:
The record third game finished too late for this edition, though highlights included Charlie chicken winging his team's way to a touchdown. Charlie also had his first drop in 8 weeks. The first two games were both played 8-8 with subs. The third game was 6-6.

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